let the wallowing begin

i have spent every night crying my eyes out. i often ask myself why... why did this happen to me? after everything that we've been through, why did he have to leave me? three years worth of a serious relationship has gone down the drain... just like that. i ask myself over and over again, why me? i know im beginning to sound like a broken record but i just can't seem to help myself. my friends are happy with their relationships. but not me. they go on celebrating their monthsaries or anniversaries while our supposed to be fourth year anniversary was only remembered by me. did he even remember that day? did i ever cross his mind? thought of me for even a second? Probably not.
while other people are happy with their little lives, i on the other hand, was lonely and envious. come to think of it, i see a lot of couples wherever i go. funny how you don't notice things when you are so caught up in your own world.
i was left alone with a broken heart and a badly bruised self-esteem. what more could he want from me? after the ordeal i went through for standing by him and this is how he repays me? he doesn't know how much he has hurt me. actually, nobody knows...
he couldn't look me in the eye when he told me he wanted out. he mumbled some lame excuse before leaving me. am i just supposed to accept that? it kills me to think that he's in love with someone else but opted for a kinder explanation for his actions. but he only hurt me more by not telling the truth.
people say that soon i'll get over him. it's his loss after all. they say that if we're really meant to be, then we'll still end up together... yes i know all these things. i've heard them before. i even gave the same advice to people i know. but it's more difficult to apply the same principle to yourself.
while i am here trying to make sense of everything, he is out there somewhere going on with his life as if i was not a part of it. they who go feel not the pain of parting... does he even feel guilty? does he know how much he has affected my life? i'm suffering here. i'm in pain. saying sorry can't even begin to repair the damage.